Oh, but I’m enrolled in Weight Watchers…again.   I did the WW program six years ago, and aside from my number of "points" being reduced, everything is still the same.  It’s a big waiting game – waiting for the food and waiting to see the scale go down.

Each morning I feel the light of day as it forces its way through my thin curtains, and I feel the nag to drag my body out of bed. My bed is a perfect host, and usually I’m in the middle of a dream that is divining me the key to life.  The thought of getting out of bed is oppressive.  Ignoring the harassment of the light (and the singing in the next room which is coming from my child who is instructed to stay in bed until I get up) I pull the comforter over my shoulder and burrow farther into the land of sleep.  The trash truck joins the abuse that Day is heaping on me and badgers me even more. Confident that I cannot face the prospect of getting out of my bed, I try to cling to sleep, which has now given up on me.  Desperately I keep my eyes closed and beg the sleep not to leave.  Hopeless. I lay still and contemplate how being awake pales in comparison to being asleep. Then, I remember if I get out of bed, I CAN EAT!

Pulling on the pajamas that lay in a heap on the floor next to my bed, I race to the bathroom and weigh.  Then I pee and weigh again to see if a night’s worth of pee weighs a pound. It doesn’t.  Carrying a child on my hip, I beat a path down the stairs and into the kitchen.

In the kitchen I busily prepare my morning allotment of chow.  On the occasions I am not on a diet I happily eat a waffle as I prepare the coffee. I might eat another waffle as I pad out to get the newspaper. Per chance, I eat yet another waffle as I check my email. On days that I feel in complete control of my destiny, I toast a fourth waffle for the drive to the preschool. Always, I take a second cup of (heavily creamed) coffee on the car ride.

However, in the measured world of WW I synchronize the completion of the coffee with the toasting of my two low-fat nutri-grain whole wheat waffles so that both coffee and toast are ready when I re-enter the kitchen with the newspaper.  I snatch my crispy waffles and coffee and slink into the dining room like a dog with a bone.

Serenity. I begin to read and eat – the most soothing and peaceful combination in the world.

Lordy, does it kill me when a child interrupts me with a request for more cereal or a glass of water while I am enjoying my waffle and the front page.  I make zero pretenses at accommodating such requests, nor do I sugarcoat my rationale for denying waitress services at this sensitive time, “Do not ask me for anything. I am eating. I only get a small portion of food. This is it. I must enjoy it. It is tiny. I will be done soon. Do not talk to me. Go away.”

Eating slowly in an effort to extend my pleasure, I feel a pang of sadness when I finish the first waffle. The experience is 50% complete. The bright side, I tell myself, is there is still one more waffle to eat. Toward the end of the second waffle depression sets in because I know that in two or three more bites my feed is over. 

When the last bite is swallowed I try to concentrate on my coffee, but I’m distracted by the urge to toast and toast and toast the rest of the waffles in the freezer. Why can’t I just eat and crunch and read?  Why does the world have such restrictions?

Stop. Just stop. Drink water. There’s nothing in the newspaper anyway. If I could continue eating I would convince myself that the stories are interesting, but they are not. My 15 minutes of pleasure are over.  The waffles that coaxed me out of bed have been eaten. It’s over. Done.

Wait.

Wait.

Four hours pass. The lunch salad happens.

Wait. Wait.

Yippee!! It’s a splash of wine for me at 5:00 pm! DElight.  Steamed vegetables, boiled chicken, oh, I’m eating and eating now. It’s done. It’s 6:00 pm.

Waiting for bed. Waiting to sleep. Waiting to stop thinking about food.

Do I have a cough? Should I drink some Robitussin? 

Do I have a pain in my arm? Should I take that medicine I’ve been hording since my c-section?

Goodnight.

Just eight hours until the waffle calls again.

Comments

[Polly Poppins]

Oh, Bitsy! I feel your pain. Something has been happening, and happening, and happening around here for the last two months. I forgot the rule about no icecream in the house and bought my friends Ben & Jerry home in quantity every time I went out to the store. And good friends that they are, they stuck with me (to the tune of 10 pounds).

And now?

Now I am back on the fast (day three) and while my insides no longer feel like they are trying to feed on themselves and my hunger headache has gone away, I really enjoyed that description of your waffle. Really. I might read it again in the morning.

I feel your pain.

[Susan Christian Goulding]

It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair that I can't just eat whatever I want whenever I want it! So unfair that I usually do eat whatever I want whenever I want it, and I have the butt to show for it.

[Susan Christian Goulding]

It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair that I can't just eat whatever I want whenever I want it! So unfair that I usually do eat whatever I want whenever I want it, and I have the butt to show for it.

[Rebecca Spector]

I don't belive that dieting and being a mother can coexist in the world. All the needed comfort foods are bad for you...brownies, wine, real ice cream with everything on it, moon cookies, beer...

[MommaK]

Oh God..that is EXACTLY how it is. Starvation! Of course you're gonna lose weight!

I lost 11 or so pounds last year on WW and gained all but 4 back. I'm at the weight my body insists that I hover but not my brain or my clothes from 10 years ago. Why do I keep out of fashion high waisted clothes from 10 years ago? So I can send myself into a mad depression when they don't fit.

And I used to save the majority of my points for wine. Not the way WW intended I'm sure.

[bitsy parker]

Props and Pans had a review for Beck's Light beer and noted that it had only 64 points and is 1 WW point. I figure I could skip a snack and my daily glass of wine (2 points) and have a whole 6-pack of Beck's for 6 points. In fact, I'm considering borrowing points from tomorrow and doing that tonight!