Have you ever seen that movie, "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio"? The movie is based on a true story about a repressed mother in the 1950's who repeatedly enters commercial jingle-writing contests to win prizes that she later sells to support her TEN children. Have I come to this? 

Whenever I am asked to blog about a product, I rarely say no because I win such good loot like books about diets and sex and even books on sex diets. (Soon Sex Detox will be reviewed so start counting the days.) I have "won"  candles, dish washing soap, fruit drinks, water, iced coffee and even laxatives. You can see why I always agree to write reviews.  Not to mention that I always get very excited when the UPS man drops in on me with a big box. Tasty.

Today bored patient audience, I write to you about personalized Fruit Roll-Ups.  No shit. If I were really like Evelyn from "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio" I would write a jingle like:

Get your personalized Roll-ups while they last.
Don't court bulimia and eat the box too fast.
Kids will love you and scream your name.
Personalized Roll-ups will bring you fame

Hmmm. Maybe my ten children would starve. Anyhoo, here's the poop on Personalized Fruit Roll-ups.  Go to the site - preferably with your little children so that they can get excited about the animation and eerie background noises. Pick a graphic, type a message and select the color of "fruit" for your creation. Done.

In a few days look for the UPS guy to drop a box of 30 personalized Fruit Roll-ups at your door. Your plan is to take the loot to Little Johnny's Kindergarten Valentine party and watch Perfect Pammy pass out when you upstage her heart-shaped cookies with Fruit Roll-ups that say, "Happy V-D, Mrs. Jones' class!"  Eat that, Pammy.

I have a difficult time working up an image of Perfect Pammy these days. My children's former school was overrun with over-involved mothers who had no life aside from hanging out at school and over-planning school parties. As you might remember, I took the bait and competed in those worthless shows of creative energy. At the new school, I see both mothers and fathers at school - never hanging around sucking-up to the teacher, though. There is no Mother Club where members wrestle to host the Valentines Day party, fight over who will drive on the field trip, or arrive at school hours before a performance to get a front row seat.

In spirit of non-competitive good ole fun, the nice folks hosting this personalized Fruit Roll-up promotion want me to ask you to comment on the sweetest Valentine’s messages you’ve sent or received. Playing the role of Vanna, I will then award the three of you whom I think most deserve a special treat this Valentine’s Day... a box of personalized Fruit Roll-ups.  Dude, the box costs $29.99 plus shipping and handling. It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. So, let's hear your "sweetest" Valentines message.

P.S.  PLEASE take a gander at the shirt below. I found this on the Walker/McKnight site mnartists.org. Minneapolis’ Rebecca Yaker, an artist and entrepeneur (and Minnesota Rollergirl), made this groovy shirt  entirely out of various fruit roll-ups–strawberry, tropical fruit, and electric blue.  View Yaker's portfolio to see an  un-Prom dress made from sock monkeys, an entire outfit crafted from “toy foods (tomatoes, cheese slices, roast beef, white bread, bologna, hamburgers, and lettuce), clear vinyl, and plastic coated metal.

Comments

[Shelly]

Let's see, one year Matt said, "Oh, is today Valentine's Day. I was going to get you a card but I forgot." My husband is not the most romantic guy on the planet. I've learned to live with it. That's not going to get me any free roll-ups, is it?

[hokgardner]

How about, "Oh, I forgot to tell you, my whole family is coming over for lunch tomorrow afternoon." Turns out tomorrow afternoon morphed into tomorrow night, which was our first married valentines day. They stuck around for HOURS. Valentine's day has only gone down hill since then.

[tootsie]

what about "My daddy says that I am the best french kisser in the class"...not original - but always creepy and perfect for those GS parties!

[Piper of Love]

Wait just a minute! You're telling me that those 'blog about my product' emails are legit!

Dammit! I've been sending them to spam.

~xo

[Rebecca F.]

Mine isn't about married love but my daughter told me I was "the most loved mom on Earth" last Valentines Day.

Gonna email you back today. Sorry about being so late.

Rebecca F.

[FENICLE]

Fruit Roll-Up's are really pushing this new thing...I've seen it EVERYWHERE!!

But hey, I'm all for free sugar.

Last Valentine's Day my son made this huge red construction paper heart and brought it home. He handed it to me and said - I give you my heart Mommy.

He had me at "I"!!

[RookieMom Whitney]

My three-year old just had his first dentist appointment and we were told that the worst possible thing for the kid's teeth are fruit rolls. Even the organic sort. So, I am secretly eating all the fruit roll type foods in the house, sacrificing my own dental health for my son's. I guess I cannot justify ordering any personalized ones.

[Judie M.]

On our first V-day, my husband gave me roses and chocolates and said" Thank you for being my valentine. You saved me." I'm not sure what he meant but is sure sounded sweet. We had been married for less than three months then. Now, after 20 years, it's "I thought Valentine's came only once a year!!"

[Shellie]

I gave my husband a mug that said Together, We're Hot on it the first year we were married. Every single cup, even plastic ones have broken, I swear, but we still have that mug. I can't explain why.

[wow]

wow.........

[Bitsy Parker]

The Fruit Roll-up company NEVER sent my box of free Roll-ups for writing this review. I feel used.