Central Texas is spreading the word that it’s recession proof.  Too bad ‘cause I’ve got a plan and am ready to take on the recession. Reminding me that we are both employed in tertiary fields, The Professor told me to shut my mouth and cease such reckless talk.   He has no imagination.

Think of the possibilities of how much fun a recession could be.  Changing eating habits would be a major key for a successful recession ride.  How many of us could afford to cut back on the chow? Certainly, I would let my Weight Watchers membership lapse and use that $10 to buy a tomato plant for my backyard.  The New York Times featured an article this weekend about how grocery shoppers are forgoing expensive red meat for turkey substitutes. How bad can that be…unless you are a cattle raiser or a heart surgeon?

The same NYTimes’ article said that while some shoppers choose a cheap can of Manwich over a monthly visit to Denny’s that electronics sales are still climbing. (Stage direction here – grab my hand and help me onto the soapbox) If you’ve read Value wIT only one time, surely you are aware of how much I despise a video game or flat screen television.   Clearly, the buyers of unnecessary electronics cannot be in my Recession Club. First rule is that all purchasers of X-boxes, Wii’s or Hdtv’s will be refused membership.  However, if Club members wish to forgo their weekly wine in lieu of AT&T monthly iPhone service payments, then that is perfectly acceptable.   Furthermore, all Apple product purchases take precedence over less essential expenditures, like for instance, private school tuition for ones children.

About that private school, isn’t it the small class size that is the big draw?  Why not rent an extra bedroom to a teacher in trade for a few points on the SAT?  This past weekend I participated in a work group whose mission was to determine how to interpret an 1850’s museum. Part of the discussion focused on how the building had once hosted boarders.  Conversation ensued on how boarders were common in times past. My mind began to dance as I envisioned our house filled with fun guests who would make for interesting meal conversations and jovial back porch frivolity – like a party that never ends? Think charades and line dancing…all free!

Then the thought of Mr. Private (The Professor who is clueless that I write about him and 3,000 people read about his idiosyncratic habits. Whoops.) Mr. Private-Persnickety would not be good with interlopers who did not adhere to our neurotic lifestyle that involves lowered voices, extra clean surfaces, precisely nutritious dinners and strict bedtimes.  I’m envisioning the boarder who sits in the kitchen strumming a guitar and singing the recession blues while sipping on homemade hooch. Maybe on Saturday night the boarder’s restless friends come over and the “down in the mouth” talk turns a little rowdy and reckless. Hmm.  Better scratch the boarder idea.

You know I love to hate the car. There is no better way to fight the recession than to ditch the car. Lately I’ve been slipping and driving my car – mostly to take the little child to North Jesus to learn to hold a pencil. This driving makes me insane. If the recession forced me into the Poor House and I had to completely rid myself of the car, how happy would I be?  With all my extra time not driving…or working or eating or shopping…I could teach my very own child to hold a pencil.  Imagine the possibilities of how good and right life could be.

This recession could be a win-win for everyone if we just give it a chance. Mostly, and this is my sincerest of all wishes, I wish that the recession could curb the insanity of consumer berserkism and mass over-consumption.   Instead of cranking-up the Hummer and driving to Costco to buy all new plastic patio furniture, the consumer could save their money and buy a nice piece of antique silver that could last a lifetime.  Ice cream forks might go out of style, but they always come back.

Comments

[austin homeboy]

Another classic! How DO you do it?

I saw that NYT article-- imagine the pain of foregoing a monthly trip to Bob Evans Family Restaurant! Such deprivation! That could cause emotional scarring for life! (Music up and under: ZZ TOP-- "TV Dinner")

I'm reminded of the diet some people used to espouse during the BIG Depression -- you eat a bunch of beans as dry as possible, then drink a lot of H2O so that they swell up in your bread basket.

No doubt, we'll all have to make some choices, but I'm sorry, Bitsy -- once we move to the high rise, you'll have to pry my cold dead eyeballs off my flat screen.

[Catherine]

Very nicely written and sounds like a lovely time, indeed. It's been on my mind lately too about how Americans might stand to gain more by losing what they think is essential in life. So much waste, so much excess...it's been plaguing my thoughts lately and glad to see that you have a similar perspective!

I thought about this quite a lot today and thought I was going crazy for seeing all of the benefits in a recession. Thanks, Bitsy for making me feel somewhat sane.

[Marsha]

Imagine if we had to give up our isp and only had our family and friends to share our wit with.