Just when I’m ready for bed after a 90-minute massage and a hot bath, The Professor casually lets slip a comment about his transgendered teaching assistant. Now I have to spend the next twenty minutes writing a post that will more than likely lead to more questions than answers.
Most importantly, why didn’t The Professor race home the very day last August when he met said transgendered person and tell me about her…him. I need to know these things! When quizzed, The Professor said that he didn’t think it was important. Honestly, he is genuinely oblivious to life’s ticking heartbeat.
The transgendered person’s name is Emerald. Sounds awfully feminine. Does she look like a girl who used to be a boy? It’s like pulling teeth to get The Professor to give me any information. Finally he tells me that Emerald looks like a girl. “She paints her toenails.” Now that’s a detail! Tell me more, I beg. “How do you know Emerald is transgendered? Did she tell you?”
Emerald approached The Professor early in the school year and told him that she/he thought some of the students were likely offended by his heterosexually based analysis of Paradise Lost. Apparently during that conversation The Professor divined that Emerald does not wish to be referred as a male or female. “Did she tell you that in words? How did you know?” I dig.
Total frustration on my part. “Does she look like a boyish girl or a girly boy?” I nag. The Professor shrugs his shoulders like he has been wearing blinders all year. Just when I am ready to drop the bone, The Professor says, “She’s going to Spain this summer to study Transgendered Polygamists.”
What?
I breakdown the words and still wonder what the hell Transgendered Polygamy could possibly mean? Then it dawns on me that Transgendered Polygamy is a title for sleeping with everybody all at once. Come to think of it, I know some Transgendered Polygamists.
Off in my own world I begin Googling Transgendered Polygamists. The Professor says to the air, “Emerald will do very well in the professional world. She’s exactly what people want to hire.”
Me? I think Emerald is greedy.
"Honestly, he is genuinely oblivious to life’s ticking heartbeat."
Are you secretly married to my husband? We're both in the same city, so it's not completely impossible...
Transgendered Polygamists is definitely a puzzle to me. I would never have thought that was even a THING. Isn't it hard enough to get one person to accept you for who you are, without looking for an entire harem?
Posted by: all things bd | May 13, 2008 at 07:45 PM
Good one, Bitsy!
There is a magazine that used to be published called "Anything That Moves." For some reason, I just thought of that.
Reminds me of the time we had a reception for John Waters here at our house. During the festivities, a person of indeterminate sexual presentation (so help me, I could not tell-- remember "Pat" on SNL?) came up to my wife and me and said, "I'm going to get a little nosy here-- you two seem awfully interesting-- what's your story?"
Of course, at the same party, a young woman with more metal on her face than exposed skin, sidled up to my wife and said, "I understand that you own this house. I just want you to know that I really like your artwork."
"Everything is beau-ti-fol, in its oh-own way. . ."
Posted by: austin homeboy | May 13, 2008 at 08:50 PM
yes, greed is the word. just wait, emerald.....soon you will be like eveyone else.
i spent 3 hours in the salon today, getting hair texas blonde, and spied out the window below, into the children's store below . In schleps mother, baby, and emerald look alike. be careful what you wish for!!!
Posted by: pillowprincess | May 13, 2008 at 08:55 PM
Wow, are the transgendered polygamists in Spain? Or does one just study them there? Just when you think you've heard it all...that is amazing.
Posted by: Shellie | May 14, 2008 at 12:13 AM